Observing how we are toward others tells us what gratifications we are seeking from others. And, by the same token, observing how others relate to us tells us what gratifications they are seeking from us. The key to understanding ourselves and to understanding others is to look beyond the behavior for the underlying gratifications being sought.
When we understand what we want from others, we can often change our behavior to be more effective in getting what we want. When we understand what others want, as well as understanding what will appeal to them, what they will find rewarding and what they will find unrewarding or threatening, we can often change the way we relate to them so that we achieve relationships in which we get what we want and they get what they want.
So, in order to get the most from yourself and others, the focus is not only on how you act but also on why you act as you do. What gratification you are seeking when you act/communicate with others?
For more information on how to measure behaviors and motivations in people, and what it means in organization life, see “The X-12 Leadership Appraisal” on our website, www.LINXConsulting.com.
–Becca O’Connor