People tend to respond to difficult circumstances and events in six ways. The way people react to danger, challenge, or shock tends to define their personal sense of agency in life, and whether they view themselves as responsible (strong and capable) or as victims of forces larger than themselves.
Resigned passivity (or what is sometimes called learned helplessness): Those who recognize that something is about to happen or has happened, but display no thinking or behavior designed to address or cope with the challenge. (“All we are is dust in the wind?”) These are people who take no action, give up, sit down, and wait, hoping that someone or something takes care of them. Even in the face of life’s daily demands, they are unmotivated or incapable of effective action.
In outright denial: Those who are oblivious, in denial that anything is about to happen or has happened. They try to continue in the same old way while everything burns to the ground. Sometimes they are glib about it: “It’s nothing. It’ll pass. I’m not getting all worked up about it.” Sometimes, they are engaged in “image maintenance” or keeping up appearances, and as a result, they fail to make decisions or take actions that address the challenges they face.
Deer in the headlights: They are fully aware that something bad is about to happen or has happened. They know that something is expected of them. They may appear stunned, with wide eyes and blinking. They may hunker down, keep their heads down, avoid risk, hope and pray, go through the motions, wait to see how things turn out, and in general do everything possible to just kinda-sorta carry on, but in a “deer-in-the-headlights” way. They are not really in denial; they are in hope. They want to do something, and they know they should do something, but don’t seem to know what to do. So they wait to see what will happen, and they “hope” a lot, the assumption being that whatever happens, positive or negative, will be caused by forces other and greater than themselves. They try not to be noticed. They are embarrassed.
Strong inappropriate reactive attitudes: These are the ones who are shocked or “emotionally hit” by the change, and respond with powerful emotions. They may become permanently dispirited, resigned, resentful, angry, or regretful, perhaps bitter and cynical, or maybe even depressed, and therefore utterly defeated. They may continue to go through the motions, but their heart and spirit are no longer in it. They become deadened. They may give up. Alternatively, they may act out of resentment and anger, fighting against reality and seeking someone to blame. They have dreams of vengeance. The attitudes and emotions they feel, and the actions they take, are mostly inappropriate and poorly suited to the situation. Their response is primarily emotional.
Practical engagement: Those who engage with the difficulties directly and practically, try to work their way through, and try to somehow “get life back to normal.” They hope and pray that this is it, and there will be no more surprises. These people work to restore things to the way they used to be or to make reasonable accommodations to the new reality. They are generally moderately successful at doing so, but may not fully grasp the totality of the changes that have occurred. They try to use all their old methods for “success.” Sometimes these work; sometimes they don’t. But they do tend to find ways of working things through. Generally, they will be successful in overcoming the challenge, and the result will be a return to normalcy.
Transformational engagement: These are the ones who interpret the changed reality as a defining moment of challenge and opportunity, and through their engagement with the circumstances and difficulties, become someone greater and stronger than they have ever been. These individuals tap into something within themselves that was previously latent and underutilized. They really lift themselves out of the rut. They achieve a new level of resourcefulness. They understand life’s opportunities and challenges—and their own roles in engaging with these opportunities and challenges—differently now. They use the challenge to awaken themselves, and as a result, they arrive at a deeper and more nuanced understanding of themselves and their roles in life. They become more self-empowered. Afterwards, they accurately claim two things: they would not trade the experience, and their life is better than ever. In short, they use the challenge to transform themselves into a better, stronger person.